I’m Going On An Adventure!!

I’ve been itching for something new. A new place with new people doing something new. There is of course a precursor to this adventure which may cancel this adventure and that is if I fall in love between now and when we are set to leave. I am, after all, a sucker for love.

BUT, Cecile and I have been plotting our great escape, which will take us to a little place I like to call Melbourne, Australia. Yep. It’s on the coast of SouthEast Australia and Cessila has family there that we can go visit. We would be on a 12 month work and holiday visa which means we can go in and out of the country and work as we need to. For me, this will mean serving or making coffee. Ah yes. We’re thinking after Christmas, despite my desire to leave tomorrow. And I would like to do a 3-week backpacking expedition in New Zealand, showing Cecile the homeland – Auckland, Hamilton, Matamata, Taranaki, Bay of Plenty. BEAUT!

New Year’s Resolutions 2009

Some are goals, however, the ones that are now crossed out are the ones I have already royally sucked at and have little to no hope of recovering….

1. Date a man, not a child (you know, at some point).
2. Stop f-book stalking.
3. Go to class. Yes, every single one.
4. Stop taking laptop to class so that I have no choice but to pay actual attention.
5. Eat healthier – stop drinking pop and eating so much chocolate (although I do eat a whole lot healthier than I used to – my mother will vouch for me)
6. Choose a friend each week and write them a letter. Old fashioned mail is so much more personal.
7. Go to a foreign country.
8. Stop biting my cuticles, which in turn means that I need to start engaging in more effective stress management techniques.
9. Go vegan for a month.
10. Try a new recipe each week.
11. Be more organized – instead of making lists as means of procrastination, actually do what’s on my list.
12. Stop spending money on clothes – Save it for a trip.
13. Graduate.
14. Move out.
15. Journal.
16. Be the best Maid of Honour I can be. That was cheesy. Oh well. “I’m looking for corny in my life”.

A Strange Sadness

It’s bizarre how connected I feel to Nouwen but there is just something about the beauty and simplicity of his writing that makes my heart feel more understood than the words or writing of anyone I have ever met. I begin to think that no one really understands but then I read Nouwen’s clarity and it all comes into focus – Yes! That is exactly where my heart is at!

“At times, memories of past events and and fantasies about the future pierce your heart, but these painful incidents have become less frightening, less devastating, less paralyzing. It almost seems as if they are necessary reminders of your need to stay close – very close – to God. You know that something totally new, truly unique, is happening within you. It is clear that something in you is dying and something is being born…You feel a strange sadness. An enormous loneliness emerges, but you are not frightened. You feel vulnerable but safe at the same times”.
– Nouwen from The Inner Voice of Love

Engagement Photes

This stuff makes me so nervous. It takes a while to get into it and be comfortable directing and thinking up ideas on the spot but I got some successful shots again, thank heavens. So much pressure!! Here are a few that I, you know, don’t mind too much…

Blah Blah Blah

I cannot take credit for this picture. The person in the photo is my friend Jaana, from Germany and the photo itself was taken by another girl on our DTS. It’s just reflective.

Things are funny right? Like life is funny and weird and heartbreaking and hilarious and stupid all at the same time right? ‘That’s life. If nothing else, its life. It’s real, and sometimes it effing hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.’ What movie? Garden State. One of my all  time favourites.
I wish Sandu were here making the world seem trivial and love seem abounding. And that maybe love could last. Because love doesn’t seem to stay too long. And maybe I feel like Juno sometimes when she says that she’s losing faith in humanity. Whether two people can ever stay together for good. And maybe life gets stressful but there’s more to life than getting things done. More to life than counting accomplishments. Maybe it’s about finding a passion. A passion that helps you get from day to day because you do what you love and you love what you do. And maybe that’s just what I am looking for.

A Few Additions…

I have a few additions to make to the previous post….options I’m considering…

D: Join Abby Schrag in Huangshi, China teaching english next Fall. We would get six weeks paid vacation during Chinese New Year and I would get the chance to explore Asia, the land of people my height. Actually I may appear quite gigantic among the Chinese, however, I think I would fit in quite well. And I would know Abby so I think I could survive.

E: Get a work permit in Australia and try to get a job at a counseling office. Not too sure what the requirements for counseling are in Aus, so I would have to look into that but even if I did reception work, that would be loverly.

F: Become a flight attendant if gas prices go down and the airlines start hiring again.

That’s it for now. Who the heck knows what’s going to happen. Either way, it will be different from anything I expected. Hopefully in a good way.

What Time Is It NOW?

Since I am graduating in April, I have been asked the same dreaded questions a million times over. Always coming from a genuine interest and not a ploy to make my brain hurt, my extra strength tylenol is working overtime for these headaches. What are you doing after you graduate? What are you doing next Fall? Why are you graduating so early? I never know what to say because although there are a million options for me at this point, my reasons for graduating early have changed drastically. I am now graduating early for me and have given up many things I had been hoping for (and investing in). It’s a scary thing because this is never how I pictured it.

I will map out my various options now…

A: Keep working at my job but take the summer off to go to camp (and hope that this will be accepted). It’s difficult because the boys I work with need stability and consistency. They need routine. I’m not sure if I could go two and a half months without working with each of them 2-3 times per week.

B: Keep working at my job and get extra clients to go full time or do more training and work my way up to administrative positions as well. (Mediating between front-line workers and the families, setting up service plans, etc). Start saving for Graduate school.

C: Work hard and save up to go work at a women’s center somewhere else in the world. Where I could gain experience and love on women who need support, encouragement, food, shelter, whatever.

Not too sure, only that I need to take a step back and try not to be so afraid of this future with a big fat question mark in front of it. Unlike a lot of people with degrees in psychology, I have a great job and lots of opportunities for promotion. I need to thank God more for the opportunities he has put before me and the doors I never thought He would shut.

Upon thinking about things that I need to be thankful for and the changes that may come as a surprise but are for my own good in the long-run, I can rest assured. On the way home from a study session in Langley this evening, I was forced to swerve off the road after an oncoming car came into my lane, coming straight at me. Not to be all dramatic but it freaked me out and I don’t want to be afraid to live. I don’t want to be afraid of change. I want to get excited about all the ways God has been moving in my life and all the ways God has been moving in those around me. This is what I had in my head the entire way home tonight.

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal …
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance …
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Anyways, hope that wasn’t too melodramatic or emo. Only writing what’s been on my mind of late.

Senior Photos!

I had the fun opportunity to shoot Hannah Clark’s senior photos this afternoon. We played around in Fairhaven, wandered around and laughed. It was fun. Here are a few of my faves…To see the whole set, click here.

Four – 4 – FORE! – 3+1

1. Listen to ‘Piste 3′ by Feist. Click here. Very pretty and very reflective at this point in time.

2. I love my girlfriends. I’m grateful for this summer and the way tough situations have forced me to branch out and see opportunities (ie: guest counseling, retreat courses, photography course, etc) and friendships (ie: Carlee among others, but mostly Carlee) that I otherwise would have passed by.

3. I am loving Rilo Kiley right now. Thanks to Abby for introducing me once again to the great RK through our Breakin’ Up Dance video. Too bad China’s so damn far away.

4. My topic proposal for Senior Thesis is due on Monday. So far I’ve got….women….eating disorders and body image…or abuse…or maybe add a little kleptomania in there… postpartum depression…grief and loss…

I have been in school two days and I am already completely and utterly overwhelmed. Ridiculous.

Courtesy of Dana