I am fully convinced that the stories in my heart would make the most gut-wrenching novel, or the most repetitive novel ever. One where the reader throws the book aside because the main character is so dang stupid. Like the horror movie where the girl KEEPS walking down dark alleys. Stupid girl, you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.

Here are the songs on my heart this week:
Rilo – Go Ahead
Weepies – Orbiting
Stars – Life Effect

I’ve begun the countdown to freedom. Graduation. A year early. Well shit. What am I going to do? Here’s my mental list translated as coherently as it will ever be.

1. Read some books for fun – fiction for once, I think. My brain needs a break from reality, non-fiction and research articles about how messed up we are.

2. Learn how to crochet a nice, slouchy hat. I hate that I buy all mine at cheap accessory places like Forever 21. I want to learn how to make them on my own.

3. Come up with some patterns so I can sew owl pillows (Weird, I know). But my best friend bought me this adorable owl pillow from Digs on Holly and Commercial in Downtown Bellingham. It looks something like this. The one Cat got me from Digs is just two different fabrics; patterned on the back and dark denim on the front. And then an embroidered owl face and body. Easy peezy.

4. Start journaling again. I used to journal everyday, for years. I used to have quite creative writing mind. I’d like to exercise that guy again.

5. Translate some new songs onto the piano. And play. And sing. And be free.

6. Start thinking of more creative ways to express myself and care for myself than shopping. Seriously. My credit cards are going on hiatus. The only exceptions are gas and coffee.

7. Write some love letters.

Take a listen. This will be my song on repeat for the week.

So about a month ago, I went to a concert at Western with some friends from school. I had no idea what kind of music it was, I’ve just been saying yes to every social event as a means of procrastinating. (Which is also what I am doing right now by writing this rather than a paper). Anyways, he goes by The Magician, he plays the organ and sings and his music makes my heart so, sooooo happy. Click here to have a listen.

Life has been so hectic lately. Graduation is in exactly one month, I have two more weeks of classes and then a week of exams. This doesn’t seem like long at all, which is probably why I am overwhelmed by my workload these next three weeks. On Monday alone, I have 17 pages of papers due, an exam for a geography class I have not been so stellar at, and a ten minute presentation on the results of thesis, which I have yet to actually look at.
As for plans apres school, I have committed another summer to FW. I will be heading up the ESA this summer, playing with the ildren and teachin em how to glue stuff together in a pretty way. I can’t wait to start planning and demoing projects and crafting new things to be introduced this summer. I’ve been throwing around the idea of Grad School and figuring out what timeline that will be on. I just can’t wait to start working with women and doing counseling practicums that will challenge me and shape my therapeutic orientation. So excited for the future. I just don’t know if these next few weeks are going to kill me or not.

My Countdowns

My Last Class – 13 days
My Last Exam – 22 days
LA to visit Kel – 51 days
The Wedding – 72 days (ah!)

“Healing is not a straight line. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don’t say to yourself, ‘All is lost. I have to start all over again.’ This is not true. What you have gained, you have gained…But try to think of these regressions instead as being pulled off the road for a while. When your return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started” (Nouwen).

Click below to hear two good songs. Please disregard the eff word!

Handle With Care – Jenny Lewis
Rise Up With Fists – Jenny Lewis

Mainly the first verse is dynamite. Love love love.

SO….It’s getting to crunch time for my thesis and all the work I have done in the past five months has led up to this crucial point. My survey is up and running!! Please forward this link on to ANY woman between the ages of 17 and 25.

The survey pertains to body image and the eating/exercise habits of college-age women. Upon completion, you have the option of being entered into a draw for a $20 Starbucks Gift Card – Woo! That’s Incentive.

Click HERE!

If you haven’t seen it yet, go rent it. I watched it a few weeks ago and then I watched it again tonight and cried like a baby. I just can’t get this movie out of my head. The struggle, sadness, anger, confusion, yet hope in and amongst it all. And the way God chases us when we want him to the least…those times we want to run and hide and dwell in our own self-pity.

Ugh. Movies this beautiful make my heart melt again and again….Go Rent It NOW. Here’s the trailer if you haven’t heard of it!

During my Christmas Break, I finally got to read some books for fun. I chose two short ones, but both with some great stuff if you really delve in. The first one I read was The Shack. I know, I know. I resisted reading it for almost a year, but alas I gave in. I didn’t like it at first because of the way it affected my emotions – the “mother’s worst nightmare” thing really hit me hard. (I know – I am not a mother, but aren’t we born with these maternal instincts?) Once I got past that to the story behind the tragedy…the stuff about relating to God. I think what inspired me the most was the book’s underlying theme of forgiveness and redemption. Forgiveness as an active choice we make that can heal both the forgiver and forgivee. Also, the book talked a lot about accepting love and living as one who is loved deeply (same as Nouwen’s views of living as the Beloved).

“Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around. You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.”

Living in and accepting love from God and others is within our abilities, but living loved is also influenced by your acceptance of self. Loving yourself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a Beloved sort of way. Not only being happy that you are valued and appreciated by those around you but accepting our limitations and learning from past mistakes. Giving our selves a little bit of understanding, a little credit where credit is due. After all, we give the benefit of the doubt to others (or at least we try to), so why should we not believe in ourselves as well? And live as if we are deeply loved – because we are! Easier said than done and never something to ever fully arrive at, but a conscious relinquishment of self-doubt and self-hatred for something that bears new life, new growth, new understanding.

I found an amazing art blog put on by a stay-at-home mum and artiste in Mexico City. She uses watercolour, collage, homemade stamps and also does her own stuffed toys…so creative. Click on the print below to go to her blog – you’ll fall in love with her stuff!!